Monday, July 31, 2006
Kama-Chiropractic Sutra
I've been slacking on the blogging this weekend due to some terrible pain in my right hip. The kind of "please bring me morphine so it stops" kind of pain. No need to worry for it isn't anything soft tissue caused, like my appendix or ovary. My innerd-gizzards seem to all be working well.

Medically the PhD calls it Bursitis while the Chiropractor tells me it is misalignment and it's time to come in for an adjustment. The Doc can't see me until Thursday but the Chiropractor says "Come on in!!" So off I went for some much needed relief.

My entire body was twisted into a pretzel, bent, contorted, cracked and popped. Places I never even thought were hurting weren't even hurting anymore, if that makes any sense. All my places except for that dreaded terrible hip pain that was still bringing on the tears.

Dr. Weber stared at me for a moment then said he wanted to try something different. "Get up on your knees and assume the position," he told me.

"Huh?"

"On your knees. Face down and buttocks up as high as you can get them," says the Doc.

"Oh, you mean Doggie-style. Like this?"

"Exactly Margaret. Now tell me, how does your hip feel?" he asks.

Wow! To my utter amazement the pain in my hip subsided to only a dull ache just by laying in this position. Then Dr. Weber got up on the table behind me to give me one last adjustment.

With his hands on each buttock he pushed both of my hip bones apart and away from each other. It felt like, well... remember putting your fingers in your mouth and pulling on each side of your lips, stretching them while you had your tongue out? You know, the kind of face your Momma told you to not do because it may get stuck like that? THAT kind of feeling.

Then just when I thought he had ripped me a new fecal exit ramp, my hip popped. The flood of relief could had been the rush of natural pain endorphins or it could have been an orgasm. Who cares as I haven't felt this terrific in months!

I can't wait until Gon returns home so I can teach him some Kama-Chiropractic Sutra tricks!

"Karma-Chiropractic Sutra - The only way to get bent!"


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 8:31 PM   3 comments
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Good Lord! Look! It's a Breast!!
The cover of a popular wholesome parenting magazine "Baby Talk" seems to have a bunch of Americans up in arms, hootin' and hollerin' and throwing all kinds of fits. Many wrote in to voice their issues:

"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of a magazine."

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it:

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast _ it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

"I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."

"Men are very visual," says Wheatley, 40, of Amarillo, Texas. "When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast _ regardless of what it's being used for."

Goodness Grief, I have seen more skin and breast exposure on TV during the Emmy Awards! After sneaking a second look at the photo, I'm half convinced it may not even be a breast. Could be a knee. Could be the back of Mommy's elbow and arm. Could be a new baby amusement park ride for all I care.

As for the visual men comment, I have yet to see a grown man steal candy from a baby. What do you think a guy is going to do? Rush right in, push the baby aside and stick his head between a strange woman's boobs, wiggle his head back and forth while shouting, "Bubba-lubba-bubba-lubba-boo!"

I sure find it strange that all the negative comments regarding the magazine cover are from women. I don't hear any men complaining at all. Any guys out there having issues over this cover? Comment and let your beef be known! -Mix


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 1:23 PM   11 comments
Friday, July 28, 2006
Happy Sys Admin Day!!!
I just found out today is System Administrator Appreciation Day and would like to take a moment to shout a big thanks and appreciation to my Sexy Sys Admin Guy. Trust me, the UPS and FedEx guys have nothing over my office eye candy.

I play stupid on purpose and jiggle the mouse/keyboard connections just for the opportunity to have my Sys Admin bend down under my desk to fix it. Just to get a good look at his behind!! I love the way he leans over my shoulder while looking at my monitor and breathing his hot steamy breath down my neck.

In fact he is so sexy that I get lost in a trance and often don't even listen, let alone recall a darn thing that he says about computer functions. Maybe it's that Axe deodorant spray that he uses or the baritone deepness of his wonderful voice. Who can not be memorized when their hands accidentally touch the hands of a God as he reaches for your mouse to fix a programming problem.

My Sys Admin is incredible and out of town at the moment. Then again my appreciation is totally biased because my Sys Admin is also my handsome Husband.

Happy Sys Admin Day Gon!


(click to play)

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 8:36 PM   3 comments
The Feast ala' Friday
Appetizer
What's the funniest dream you can remember having?

My funniest would have to be a few years ago when I had to take Pope John Paul II for a decoy ride in the Pope Mobile. It was weird, someone was out to get him so they sent a car out with a stuffed Pope in the back to thwart the assassins. I had to pick up His Holiness by the Vatican cafeteria loading dock. They wheeled him in the back but must had been rushed or something because they didn't strap his wheelchair down.

Of course I had to Baha down a rutted, rocky back mountain road and I looked in my rear view mirror and heard His Holiness screaming and thrashing all over in the back. That's when I realized I didn't have the Decoy Pope but the real deal. I couldn't stop because I realized I was being followed and feared it was the assassins so I stepped on the gas driving as fast as I can.

Unfortunately making His Holiness pray so hard he started speaking in tongues. I ended up crashing in a lake and the Pope flew out the back. He miraculously stood up, started jumping like a 20 year old shouting "Praise the Lord, I'm healed! Praise the Lord!!" Crowds started gathering, cameras starting snapping the news crews arrived... and there I was standing there all soaked and wet and strange enough, naked?!!!!!

Soup
If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?

(Singing; "Why must I - feel like that - why must I chase the cat. Nuttin' but the dog in me. Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay") Really it doesn't matter what breed, I just want to be the White House Dog and get to run around and do a Presidential Christmas Video each year, pee on Secret Servicemen's legs and get to hang my head out the window and flap my ears while cruising high altitudes on Air Force One.

Salad
Continue this sentence: "I get confused when..."

I get confused when...I'm asked to continue this sentence: "I get confused when..." Really, I can't remember the last time I was confused. I've wondered a whole lot though, such as "Who put this here?" and "How did that get over there?" Not really confusion, just the side-effects of having a 3 year old in the house. (...and a 38 year old Husband)

Main Course
Name two things that need to be done, but you are procrastinating in completing.

Weeding my once beautiful gardens. It has been so hot during the day and buggy at night when it does cool down some. I've been meaning to get up early in the morning and put a 1/2 hour in or so. Then again, me up and going straight to work weeding at 5:30 am. Nah!

I also need to clean out my refrigerator. It's not that awful bad, but there are some spills and containers pushed to the back that I have no idea what is in them.

Dessert
When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?

I tried real Sushi for the first time this past April and now I'm hooked, lined and sunk. Friday's are no longer Pizza night for my Pepporoni Pizza has been out done by Futo Maki.

Have a great Friday and a Wonderful Weekend!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 12:12 AM   19 comments
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Introducing Greenades the Gumball with wings!
I remember as a kid getting into loads of trouble when chewing gum in school. Back then big wads of Bubble gum was all the rage. From Bazooka, Bubblicious, Bubble Yum and even Hubba Bubba the gum that didn't stick to your face and hair if you happened to blow a bubble as big as the Hindenburg.

I've done the detention thing, the wear the gum on your nose thing and the write a 100 times "I will not chew gum in class ever again" thing. Today they have a Gumball that will land you in jail!

These gumballs however are not your typical candy-coated chewing gum but instead are packed with as much as 1 gram of high-grade marijuana. The recent discovery and seizure was made by Maryland police after finding two weed-packed yellow gumballs imprinted with a happy face at a High School in Howard County, MD.

According to the DEA and the Maryland State Police-Forensic Sciences Division Laboratory, each gumball is bright yellow with a happy face on one side and a " bored hole filled with greenish-brown vegetable matter" on the opposite side.

Eeew, talk about a gross tasting Gumball! I'd prefer my Greens tossed in Duncan Hines Walnut Brownie mix thank you very much. Give me a foil wrapped, chocolate covered and filled then rolled in crushed hazelnuts THC Truffle.

But seriously, doing drugs to get high is bad - pushing drugs with yellow smiley faced gumballs to kids is super bad. What bugs me the most is knowing that an adult is behind this entire thing and it is twisted.

What's next, Bart Simpson LSD stickers? "High Carumba!!"


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 6:40 PM   3 comments
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
13 Ways a Mouse Can Play
Gon is out of town on business and Squirt and I miss him terribly already. However there are some good things to appreciate and enjoy while your Husband is out of town. Here are 13 Ways a Mouse Can Play:

1. A Big Bed all to yourself including HIS pillows. Not to mention the bed is free of body hair, dead skin cells and any leftover bouquet aftereffects from HIS midnight turkey sandwich craving.

2. The TV is yours again!

3. Food! Of course we always have food, but when HE is away you can go ahead and buy stuff that you wouldn't before. Especially the good stuff that you really don't want to share but have to because they are so delicious and HIS mouth is watering too. Sorta like Cheez-it's "Get your own box" except I prefer truffles, lobster tails and homemade cheesecake.

4. There is nobody to swipe your lighter. It is always where you last put it.

5. You can talk to your Mother or girlfriends on the phone for hours and not feel guilty.

6. There is no rushing around trying to get things done before HE comes home to make sure HE can see what you've done all day.

7. I can fart, loudly and enjoy the responses of the dog who happens to be sitting under my chair at the moment.

8. Morning coffee before Morning Sex. I love sex don't get me wrong, but it sure feels good to get up in the mornings and head straight for the coffee pot. Plus, I can enjoy flavored coffee this week, since HE doesn't care for them.

9. I realized that I feel relaxed because when HE is home, I love him so much that I'm always looking for ways to serve him, please him and make him feel loved. Now that he is gone, I can be a bit selfish with my time.

10. I don't have to be home at any specific time just because HE will be home for dinner.

11. I can snatch all of his coffee tins full of pocket change by his side of the bed and cash them in and buy cool stuff for myself!!

12. I can take his Mustang Convertible downtown for a spin with the top down. Just to boost my ego and see how many guys take interest and whistle at that Hot Blond in that sexy convertible. Absolute freedom to alleviate my own personal mid-life crises.

13. Finally, for the most delightful aspect of HIM being away.... the toilet seat is never left up!

Have a Great Thursday!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 10:22 PM   20 comments
My Heritage Celebrity Face Recognition
I found this cool site this morning at MyHeritage. You can upload a photo and then have them scan the faces and match your facial features with others. Including famous celebrities. After uploading a family photo of Gon, Kate and myself this is what they came up with:


Ariel Sharon___ Arnold Schwarzenegger___ Ruud Van Nistelrooy


Well that's pretty muffed up, but not too bad. I decided to have a little fun and upload a photo of my Grandparents taken at their 60th Wedding Anniversary:


Tony Blair___Stephen Hawking


Okay, Grandpa resembling Tony Blair is not so bad but to say my Grandma looks like Stephen Hawking is just so wrong in so many ways. I'm having issues over this one!

MyHeritage.com is one of the world's first services to apply advanced
face recognition technology to personal photos and family history;
and it's free! Give it a try and see who your facial features resemble. You'll either be shocked and horrified or terribly impressed.


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 10:28 AM   1 comments
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Gird Thy Loins!
As kids my sister Kathy and I used to giggle and joke over the common Biblical phrase "Gird thy loins." Heck, as full grown adults we still used the phrase to describe quite a few situations to one another. The phrase also came in quite handy for a great laugh when used in context.

When Michael Jackson, Madonna, Pop or Rap artist would reach down and squeeze their genitals on stage, they immediately were rated to the genre' of "Gird Loined Music". As sisters we had a very strange way of filing our Cassette and CD collection. Granted, we had the usual Dance, Rock, Metal sections but we also had a few odd ones. Such as "Stuff that Dad Listens To" and "Songs I danced with a Boy to". We even had a section named "Queer" where we stuffed the LP of any artist who was openly gay or highly suspected of being gay. Queen was jammed in there, Elton John, Boy George, George Michael and many a highly suspected Boy Band. Finally there was "Gird Loined Music" and this was the bottom of the barrel because grabbing your stuff on stage was perverted and gross.

As we grew older the phrase took on entirely new meanings. Such as getting control over oneself. If Mom was bitching unreasonably or an argument was becoming quite heated, "Gird thy loins" replaced the common phrase of "Get a Grip."

Seeing a guy in bike shorts or wearing a speedo on the Jersey Shore prompted some sort of Loin statement. Depending, of course if the look was appealing or not. A fat guy with Plumbers crack would certain get the "Gird thy Loins" label. While a hot guy walking by, no matter what he was wearing would get a phrase more along the lines of, "There are some loins I wouldn't mind girding."

So why stop there, I mean it's a catchy yet classic and ancient kind of phrase. I purpose that we turn "Gird Thy Loins" into a Three letter acronym to be used on blogs, email, chat and message boards everywhere. Like the sickening "Laughing Out Loud" (LOL) acronym that is so overused and abused.

From now on when responding to someone who seems off their rocker or we need to prepare them for a shock of reality - we'll type, "GTL, Dude!" When they ask you, "What does GTL mean", laugh at them and make them feel stupid. Let's all use GTL everywhere and see how fast it catches on.

PS: Stop by and visit Ian's blog and leave him a GTL.
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 10:19 PM   2 comments
Monday, July 24, 2006
Egypt's Ramses II to embark on an 8 mile journey
Ramses II was a warrior king who is credited with bringing Egypt unprecedented power and splendor during his 67-year reign. He was known also as the great builder, the founder of the temple of Abu Simbel and the Pharaoh to whom Moses sang "Let my people go." Over 3,200 years ago a 125 ton granite statue of Ramses II was built in his honor and placed at the temple at the site of the ancient Egyptian capital of Memphis.

That was until the early 1950's when someone found it fitting to take Ramses II from his temple and instead have him stand watch over traffic from a congested square in downtown Cairo. Years of exhaust fumes from trains, cars and buses along with vibrations have taken their toll on the health of Ramses II. He's had enough of the city and now wants to hang out and become a part of a new museum (not expected to open for at least five years) about a mile from the Pyramids at Giza.

"We have to move that statue," said antiquities chief Zahi Haul'ass. (or is is Hawass?) Either way you pronounce it, he is planning to haul the 125-plus-ton Ramses II to a new home this August 25th.

I wonder if the History Channel's series "Mega Movers" will provide coverage of Ramses journey?
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 10:01 PM   3 comments
Buyer Beware! Etour and Travel, Orlando Florida
I learned some time ago the art of blogging and search engines give us consumers a bit of power in the free market. Whether you blog about a wonderful restaurant review or a delightful new friendly store in your neighborhood. If you blog about it, they will notice and so will others.

Every once in awhile, you may come across a bunch of fraudulent, rude pricks. It is our duty to warn others about such nonsense and put out a buyer beware, a major complaint and do a massive bitch out over a company that seeks to rip people off.

So please forgive me at this moment while I do just that. Excuse my language as I will most certainly admit - I am very emotional over this matter right now. This isn't like me - for those who know me I am optimistic, fun, forgiving and will more than likely cry over a matter than throw a brick through a window. Except this time.

If you ever call and make hotel reservations or vacation planning to Florida you may receive a telemarketing call from this place called "eTour & Travel". They do this sort of thing sometimes when you make reservations and put yourself in some sort of database that you are a traveler. However, if you ever get a call, an email or a snail mail from "eTour & Travel" - trust me, report them as Spam - toss out the entire envelope mailed to you or demand that they remove you from their calling list.

They are nothing but frauds and I've been burnt by them terribly. Our bank account drained by unauthorized withdrawals and they are evil, dishonest scammers. If "eTour & Travel" or any other marketer calls - it would be wise to first Google their company name and take a look see if there are any complaints or posts such as this out there before doing business with them.

Live and learn, I suppose.

Thankfully, together with my banking institution I received restitution yesterday afternoon. It's not over by a long shot, for they are now facing criminal charges filed with the Attorney General of Florida. It seemed I'm not the only bank customer who was sucked into this ordeal.

This blog post is in hopes nobody else gets in "eTour & Travel's" greedy, dishonest and slimy hands.

Thanks for bearing with me..
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:02 AM  
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Under penalty of law do not remove this tag!
Katie has recently discovered that everything seems to have "tickets" attached to it. It all started this morning when she noticed my blouse care tag was sticking out the back. "Momma, you have a ticket!" she exclaimed joyfully.

I'll be honest, at first I didn't have a clue what she was talking about until she drug out her entire collection of stuffed animals and beanie babies (trust me, there are a LOT of these) just to show me they all had tickets stuck to their butts.

Her joy didn't end there, no siree - off she went exploring to find that all of her clothes had tickets! Strewing them all around her bedroom while ransacking her entire wardrobe. As if that wasn't bad enough, while I got busy to folding and putting her clothes back where they belong, she was off in our bedroom ransacking our dressers.

Lunch time came and went, thankfully with out the mention of the dreaded ticket conspiracy. That is, until she was laying on the sofa watching a movie and noticed the throw pillows had tickets too! Then off she went to un-make the beds, explore all the pillows and linen closets. Leaving no ticket undiscovered.

From table-clothes, pillowcases, curtains, towels, throw rugs and even the fuzzy toilet lid cover all adorned a ticket. Just when I thought I seen it all she runs off chasing one of our Basset Hounds. "Stop!" I shouted as she chased the poor dog down, "Wigglies doesn't have a ticket. I promise!"

"See Momma, Look!" she pointed and Lord have mercy, the Bandanna around Wigglies neck had a ticket too. Penalty of Law or not, they're going to just have to arrest me. The scissors are coming out when Katie takes a nap this afternoon. (100)
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 3:02 PM   0 comments
Do you have issues with Spamming Drug Pushers?
I received my first can of Blogo-Spam this morning: "Drugs are just bad, you should try to use Herbal Alternatives as a temporary replacement to loose the dependance!"

The link brought me to a website named "Herbal Smoke Shop" that was loaded with photos of mouth-watering, sticky buds and nuggets closely resembling Marijuana. I don't even know if it is possible, but it seemed that my monitor poofed out a cloud of skunky virtual scent as the page loaded. Tempting me, luring me into some psychedelic time travel back to the '70's and finding myself in a decked out custom "Love Van" complete with Lava lamps and Tie-Dye curtains.

Of all of the types of Spam I could receive, I've been deemed worthy enough to have been visited by a Herboponic Drug Pusher.

As usual when Spammed, I searched around for a contact form so I can ream them a new asshole. When lo and behold they email me back this statement, " We do not tolorate spam."

Well isn't that just lovely! Spammed by a lousy drug pusher that cannot spell and accuses you of being drug-dependant is enough to make anyone feel the need to roll up a phatty of the real stuff. (Now where did I put that pack of JOB 1.25's?)

Do I blog like a Stoner or something? Let me know your honest opinion!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 1:42 PM   0 comments
Friday, July 21, 2006
Feasting on Coffee and Oreos this morning!
Appetizer
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.

I sound like tractor-trailer brakes when I sneeze.

Soup
Name something you use to make your home smell good.

Fragrance Oils from Wellington Fragrance Company, in a tea light tart and/or oil burner. This company makes the best oils in so many different flavors and scents. They are also made from soy, which burn much longer and don't have that alcohol/petro tone. I've tried most all of their scents and found Caribbean Fruit, Banana, Creme Brulee, Papaya Mango, Cinnamon Bun, Lilac and Gardenia to be my frequent favorites.

Salad
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?

At the moment I sure wouldn't mind paying 50% less for gasoline!! However to be more realistic I could really use a new set of pots & pans.

Main Course
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?

Lately it feels like I'm always cleaning something. Dishes, floors, beds, Guinea pig cage, weeds, front porch, etc. I spend a lot of time playing and learning with our daughter, oddly enough some of this involves cleaning also.

Dessert
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?

Spontaneously all at the same time I hear my Air Conditioner humming, our daughter hiccuping and the flap of the Doggie door. I'm not sure which Basset hound went outside to potty - whoops, there he is - our darling BoBo. (He's such a good boy.)

Have a great Friday and a Wonderful Weekend!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:32 AM   10 comments
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Consonant-Loving Thief Takes 'R's From Signs
GREENCASTLE, Ind. - A consonant-loving thief has police and business owners baffled after dozens of 'R's were stolen from signs around the community.

"We've lost our 'R's. And we want them back," said Randall Jones, president of Headley Hardware.

The weekend caper targeted gas stations, restaurants, repair shops and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis. The thief also nabbed half a dozen letters from a lighted marquee in front of a National Guard post.

"I don't know if they think it's a joke, but to me it's just theft," said National Guard Sgt. Robert Lamb. "I just think it's disturbing."

Putnam Inn manager Jane Hansen isn't sure how the thief climbed more than 6 feet off the ground to take Rs from a sign in front of her motel.

"Whoever's doing it needs to put their talents to something more constructive," she said.

Greencastle Police said they've been notified about the stolen letters, but many business owners are choosing not to file reports.

Stay tuned! The Redneck Bandit will strike again stealing 'P's and 'B's!!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:59 AM   3 comments
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Volume Crankers

While driving in my car there are songs played over the radio that either make me change the channel quickly or crank the volume to the max. Last week I did the channel changers and for this Thursday Thirteen I am going to play tribute to the songs that must be cranked up full blast!

1) Shook Me All Night Long, AC/DC. It's just as dangerous a driving song than any, in fact you can suffer lead foot just by listening to it. When it comes on the radio it must be cranked up so loudly that the windows shake.

2) Enter Sandman, Metallica. Yeah Baby, gotta crank it and lead foot it. After all we're off to Never Never land with this awesome tune.

3) Time, Pink Floyd. It starts out slow, tick-tocking as you obey the speed limit but somehow and in some way during the song you glance down at your speedometer and realize you buried the needle. The flashing red lights in your rear-view mirror will attest to that.

4) Blinded by the Light, Manfred Mann. What can I say it's got to be loud so your passengers don't realize you may mess up the lyrics. Then when the song gets to the Chopsticks riff - who can stop themselves from banging out the notes upon your dashboard turned air keyboard?

5) Son of a Bitch, Nazareth. Great cranker song while driving through traffic hell during rush hour. Guaranteed to frighten old ladies off the roadways.

6) Nobody, Skindred. This isn't my crank-it song, but the husbands. They play it on his XBox driving game "MX vs ATV" and now play it on the radio frequently. Let's just say I don't like to be in the passenger's seat when this song comes on and Gon is driving. I seriously shake in fear wondering if "we will get out alive."

7) Down with the Sickness, Disturbed. A disturbing volume cranker but a volume cranker nonetheless.

8) Twisted Transister, Korn. A relatively new song on the radio which lyrics in the first verse say, "Turn it up, Turn it up!" So you do and it grows on you.

9) Y.M.C.A., Village People. Sorry it's the gayest song that I know but it's a sure flashback in time and I gotta crank it, even if only to embarrass the passengers in my car.

10) Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, Big 'n Rich. I can't leave out some country tuneage especially this one a sure cranker upper as of late.

11) In the Air Tonight, Phil Collins. Now here is a song I won't even turn down if the police pull me over. They will just have to wait until the song is finished before I hand over my license and registration.

12) Atomic Dog, George Clinton. It's Funkadelic and I absolutely love it! "Why must I feel like that, why must I chase the cat, Ruff! Ruff!" Oh yeah baby, a sure cranker upper that can rattle my hubcaps anyday..

13) Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls. It may not be jamming, it may not be funky, but it is my favorite chick-flicking song and I just love it, gotta crank it.. that's all there is to it.

Have a great Thursday!

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 5:23 PM   29 comments
Between the Lines Folks!
Why is it that some people cannot park between the lines at their thrifty little supermarket parking lot?

In fact they have to park so close to your drivers side door that you have to do a Houdini show just to get behind the wheel, or perhaps climb through your passenger side door.

If you have kids it is worse. Ever try putting an infant or toddler in his/her carseat when you can only open your door 5" without scratching the heck out of the car parked next to you?

If not, you're more than likely the twit who parked next to my vehicle today. STOP IT!!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 2:53 PM   2 comments
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Salt & Pepper Dilemma
Dear Margie, "I purchased a salt & pepper shaker set from Wal-Mart and when I got home and opened the box there were two pepper shakers with the big holes and no salt shaker. If I pay for something I should get what I payed for. If there is a problem with it I should be able to take it back and not have to put up with BS. Exchange it, replace it or refund my money. I have issues with Wal-Mart's return policy." -Raging Rachael

Dear Rachael; Since I don't know the entire story or rather Walmart's take on this situation I'm left only to guess what may have happened here. My first question would be did you have a receipt for your purchase?

If not, and you came in the store trying to return it while looking like a crazed crackhead, they may have suspected that you stole the product and by all rights can refuse to give you a refund. However, I am quite familiar with WallyWorld and know for certain that they will return/exchange/refund without a receipt for any product under $20.00. I highly doubt that they sell Salt & Pepper Shakers that cost any more than that.

My next question would be how long did you wait to return the product? If it was a few months, the product may have been sold out and no longer on their database when they scanned the UPC for a return price.

You could also write or call the company who manufactured the set. Many times small companies hire the mentally challenged to pack products for a small wage to supplement their Social Security or disability pensions. Much like the supermarket's cart catcher who bags your groceries and squashes your bread with canned foods, a similar fellow could have packed two pepper shakers in the box. It's worth giving them a call and requesting they mail you a Salt Shaker. I'm sure they must have lots of odds and ends laying around. Good luck!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 8:20 PM   1 comments
George Bush shot the "shit" with Tony Blair
"See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over," Bush told Blair as he chewed on a buttered roll.

I've been wondering for years why the FCC hasn't freed up the word "Shit" from George Carlin's list of "Seven Dirty Words" that can't be said on television. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
  • You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. (do we know someone like this????)
  • Sometimes you just plain ole get "the shits".
  • With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
  • You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
  • You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.
  • Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
  • Other people just have a Shit eatin' grin on their face all of the time.
  • There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.
  • There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit.
  • You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on shingle.
  • You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.
  • Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
  • Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
  • You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
  • You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit's creek without a paddle.
  • Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.
  • Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
  • When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.
  • And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!


Holy Shit!! Now our President finds the word appropriate to use in context and the media is all over him as if to say, "You can't say that shit George!" Shit, I can't believe how transparent we all can be. Who are we to give a shit over George Bush shooting the shit with Tony Blair, while he chews on a buttered roll.

Talking with his mouth full, however; is a whole other story.

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 8:07 AM   2 comments
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Mix Pix Foodie Blog Awards Contest
ATTENTION all Foodie's! Does your Weblog heat up your kitchen with recipes, disasters and cooking hints? Perhaps you are a Chef or an ordinary homemaker trying to come up with creative dishes to satisfy your palate or a BarBQ Grillmaster. It's time to show us what you got a cookin'!

To Enter the Contest or to nominate a site, simply fill out the form in the sidebar at the Mix Pix Awards Site or send me an email at Margiemix at Comcast.net. Please be sure to include the web address to the blog being submitted. Entrees will be judged in a positive light on content and design.

Contest ends: "Sunday - August 13, 2006."

Winners will be given a "Mix Pix Foodie Blogger Award" and recognition here and throughout the blogosphere. All encouraged to apply!

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 12:54 PM   0 comments
Saturday, July 15, 2006
NOW HIRING! Window Washer.
"Do You Have Issues" at Blogspot.com is NOW HIRING!!

HELP WANTED: Male Weekly Window Washer for studio office. Must be able to work in hot & steamy environment and display a love for pussy. Experience preferred but not necessary. Working on Monday is required. Apply in person with squeegee in hand for an equal opportunity audition.

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 5:30 PM   0 comments
Friday, July 14, 2006
What's for Dinner?
Appetizer
Name one thing nice that you could do for someone else today.

I could do or have already done? I'm late for posting my Friday's Feast because I spent the day food shopping for an elderly couple and cleaned a friends house. I guess if I still have to do something nice, maybe I'll stop avoiding the phone and answer it this evening and give someone an hour or two of talk time.


Soup
When was the last time you were frightened by the weather?

Last Thursday! There was a tornado out on one of the islands headed this way and the thunderstorms, hail and rain were terrible. We were luckier than most, as the flooding didn't reach up to our house but there were many others nearby that weren't so lucky in the sudden downpour.

Salad
What would you say is the most useful website or blog that you visit?

I enjoy reading my news at the Comcast.net site each morning as well as catching the local news at Savannahnow.com for weather and event planning. Google.com is also a keeper for research. Anything else I read for entertainment, educational content and for fun. I wouldn't necessarily say it is useful.

Main Course
Who was your favorite singer/group when you were a child?

I was a teen during the '80's and had many favorites, but as a child I loved the "Captain & Tennile" and had to have all of their albums. The Carpenters came in a close second.

Dessert
Do you have any rituals? If so, what are they?

Routines and schedules I have plenty of but they bore you to death. Of course, being a Christian we have lots of rituals to undergo daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Bedtime rituals with Katie are my favorite and they change subtly every so often. Lately it has been reading a book, giving Miss Piggy some Cheerios, checking under her bed for monster kitties (later post and explanation), saying our prayers and singing "Jesus loves me." (In sign language too!) This would have to be my favorite current ritual and I want to cherish it with her as long as I can.
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 6:16 PM   2 comments
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Feeling Old This Morning
Tell a teenager today that when you were a kid you had to walk a mile each day to school and they'd give you that blank stare as if you lost your marbles.

My Momma did the 5 mile walk and proved it to us. If she had lived just one street over she would have qualified to ride the bus which was enlisted to transport children who lived outside of the 5 mile radius of her High School.

Grandpa gave us the old "walk 10 miles to school after 2 hours of chores through snow waist high" story. We'd laugh and immediately assume he was bluffing. "Come on Grandpa, if it snows the schools close and we'd have a Snow Day."

He'd just shake his head and stroll off mumbling something to the tune of, "Kids these days..."

Today Grandpa is 90 and as I sit here at 7:00 in the morning, I know for a fact he's been out weeding the gardens, working in the yard or project for the last hour. You can pretty much guess he's already had breakfast and not just a bowl of Captain Crunch. I'm talking eggs, sausage, grits, toast and coffee - an entire buffet. Yet there won't be a single dish in the sink. They've already been washed, dried and put away and if anything is left it's the coffee cup he brought outside with him. You can also bet that coffee cup will find it's way back inside before lunch.

Grandpa doesn't even go to bed early, he bowls on the late league 3 evenings a week. While staying in the spare bedroom during my last visit, I fondly remembered when I used to sleep in that same big bed when I was a young'un. The routine hasn't changed only the Tonight Show Host has. When Jay Leno says "Goodnight", the Pall Mall gets snuffed out and the TV clicks off.

He used to be able to stay up 5 minutes later to hear the Station sign off the air and stand for the National Anthem. Like a Bedtime Prayer he honored his country with Patriotism and pride as a man who served his country in WWII. Today he climbs the stairs mumbling something to the tune of, "Kids these days..."

Here I am this morning at the age of 38 feeling like I have just ran a marathon. All I've done was get out of bed, fix a cup of coffee and turned on my laptop. I'm looking out of my window watching two baby bunnies munching on my overgrown lawn wondering what time our landscaper will show up.

Squirt has just awaken with enough pounce, spunk and energy to run 10 miles through waist high snow just to learn her ABC's. While I stroll off mumbling, "Jeez, she is up early this morning."

Our society is doomed and all I can do is blame that dastardly yellow school-bus that is going stall up traffic on Whitfield on my way out to work this morning.

Instead of my "old" self.

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:43 AM   1 comments
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Channel Changers

While driving in my car there are songs played over the radio that either make me change the channel quickly or crank the volume to the max. This Thursday, I am going to play tribute to the channel changers.

1) Karma Kameleon, Culture Club. It's not that Boy George sniffs snow or the fact that he is currently serving time working for the sanitation department of New York City. This song is one of those songs that get in your head and never leave! In fact just mentioning it here makes my head sing.

2) Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin. I love the song, don't get me wrong. But it's been played so often and over and over again, it does nothing for me anymore. I get that "been there, done that" kind of vibe.

3) Sky Pilot, The Animals. It's a looooonnnnng song, in fact in the middle of it, you think it is another song but the lyrics are the same as the last 2 songs you've heard. All the rifts, all the drags - just listening to it makes you hallucinate.

4) Relax, Frankie Goes to Hollywood (George Michael). A song about relaxing your sphincter muscles and enjoying anal sex just isn't something I can actually drive to. I might crash into something.

5) Fast Car, Tracy Chapman. She sings about a Fast Car but doesn't sound thrilled about it. As a matter of fact, just listening to this song while driving - you'll soon find you are holding up traffic and driving like a Granny.

6) Don't Stop Till You Get Enough, Michael Jackson. Yet another sphincter song, but Jackson likes it rough. The lyrics make my ass cheeks clench, my back spasm and before you know it I'll have whiplash.

7) Maneater, Hall & Oates. A sure channel changer. It makes me feel they are singing about me, then I think about where I am driving to and who I may chew up when I get there.

8) What's Up Pussycat, Tom Jones. No matter how many times I've tried, I can't take my under-panties off while driving at the same time.

9) I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys. Yeah, you guessed it another sphincter song, except this one gives me the urge to pinch a loaf.

10) Sailing, Christopher Cross. A great song, but not while driving. Makes me fall asleep at the wheel with all of those relaxing ocean sounds. Makes me wanna pee too!

11) Rappers Delight, Sugar Hill. I know the song by heart, I do like it - but while sitting at a red light I keep getting those weird stares because my head is bobbing around like a chicken.

12) Like A Virgin, Madonna. A big time Sphincter song, I just know it. Because any other opening on her body has got to feel like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway.

13) Barbie Girl, Aqua. While singing it I get this feeling like I just huffed-helium and need to stop at Mickey D's for a Happy Meal because the toy is cool.
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:41 PM   37 comments

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