If you've ever been to Japan you'd know that their toilet facilities will give you cultural shock. Particularly the public bathrooms where one approaches the porcelain god in a totally different fashion.
In Hotels and in some homes, you will more than likely find the potty designed to American Standards with the exception of a bit of electronic comforts. Such as seat warming, water spritzing and bidet qualities.
But if you have to go, and trust me... you WILL have to go! Beware of their Candid Porta-pots!
British newspapers reported Stephen Hawking and his wife, Elaine, have lodged divorce papers at Cambridge County Court. As soon as the divorce is settled the so-called world's smartest man may just also be the world's most eligible bachelor!
Now don't think for a single moment that ole' Stephen here may not be suitable husband material. His is after all, the theorist behind the four Laws of black hole mechanics as well as very studied in Big Bang Physics.
Rumor also has it that Stephen Hawking is quite a player and a real dawg in modern day terms. His first marriage ended after he was caught having an affair with one of his nurses! Nurse Elaine, whom he later married and is divorcing now.
So if you're interested ladies, go on over and pay him a visit over on Stephen Hawking's Blog and show him some love.
****BONUS*****
From what I understand he also comes with a MUTE button!
Mellie is always finding the coolest memes! Here is how this one works:
You go over to Google and type in your first name and then the word "needs" and run a search. Then report 10 sentences that start with "Blank needs" right here on your blog post. Sounds simple so here goes....
1) "Margie needs to remember that to get rid of the fearful temper she needs to get rid of her self blame--the judgment that she is wrong."
Sure, go ahead Google and go right for the jugular and accuse me of having a depression disorder.
ROTFL!! I know of a few peeps who say this so often that I had to go see if someone was really talking about me. I have issues with call waiting, because I feel it is ignorant to put someone on hold because someone else is calling. Wait your turn!! If an emergency do one of those old fashioned emergency breakthrough jobs.
*****Bonus***** Just for S&G's I ran a Google Image search for "Margie needs" and the photo at the top of this post is what they came up with. Along with a caption that reads:
"After a long hot drive, Margie needs a drink of pure Hershies Chocklate!!!"
Yeah Baby!!
I guess I could tag some peeps now that Dr. John is unfizzled but instead I offer a DARE to my Bloggy Peeps to try out this cool meme. Let me know if you do!
These posts titled Margie Unplugged are basically free-written thoughts straight from the twisted full frontal brain lobes of mine. There is no rhyme nor reason, purpose or ambition to these thoughts. In fact, backspacing and deletion is not allowed with the exception of misspellings. That is because it is one thing to be a babbling idiot and quite another to sound like a featured Jerry Springer episode guest.
So what do I have to say? Who the hell knows, and it more than likely is not important. My current lack of inspiration, creativity and writing skills have totally flown out the window for the past few weeks. All that I have to think about, let alone write about is full of drama and all about nobody but me. How boring is that? You be the judge.
It's 1:30 in the afternoon on my Wednesday off and I have yet to clear off my kitchen table, pull out the sewing machine and fashion together two sets of curtains. My problem is that I don't want to. A customer noted and commented a few months ago on the window treatments I have in my home and decided to employ me to make some for her. She pays well and anyone other than me would most likely jump at the chance to make $300 for just an hour or two worth of work.
So what in the world is my problem? I think it is because I am agitated at the hideous material and colors this lady has chosen compared to the design I recommended. Seriously, it is tan khaki and one might as well push a curtain rod through the belt loops of a few pairs of Dockers and tie 'em back with an ace bandage. That is what she wants and I'm afraid that anyone who visits her will find out that I made the nasty looking things. They're not my M.O. you know?
The old adage says, "The customer is always right. Give them what they want." But sometimes it is my opinion that they don't even know what they want. They need change but are afraid to deviate from what they are used to. We've all seen peeps like this, the kind that still walk around with Mullet hairstyles and install shag carpeting that is new but still looks like it is 40 years old.
This customer also recently had their entire interior of their home painted. I thought to myself, "Wow! This is going to be fabulous." I returned two weeks later to find they painted their interior - and I mean their entire interior the same piss yellow it was before. The only difference, they also painted the gorgeous woodwork the same color! Now were talking toilet water being used for 5 days while the water was shut off kind of yellow.
Walls that by this time tomorrow will adorn on it's windows Khaki tan curtains making them look like brown paper shopping bags. So cheesy.
It is no wonder I have put off this project until the very last moment. I hate when my creativity is stifled!
1. Several years ago a good friend of mine asked me to go to work for her one evening. Only one little bitty problem, she worked as a Lady of the Night. She assured me that this call was a regular customer of hers and that there was absolutely no sex involved. I would be paid $250 for just one hour of creativity. I went! That is when I met Mr. Tootles who's only desire was to have his back hair waxed and the stray hairs tweezed out from his ears.
2. My Bologna and cheese sandwiches must have yellow mustard and potato chips smushed inside of them to be enjoyed to their fullest potential.
3. I put underarm deodorant under my boobs so I won't sweat under there.
4. I'm addicted to squeezing zits or blackheads. It could be vanity or it could be the twisted way a packed pimple unravels under pressure.
5. I love to stick my butt on the heads of the people I love the most and fart on them. Perhaps it is an act of intimacy, love and admiration. Could be an inborn natural in-stink to mark my territory. Who is to really know? Except my sisters, Mom, daughter, husband, a boyfriend or two, my neighbor, the dog, our Pastor and my local convenience store clerk.
I suppose I'm to tag three more peeps but since I got into a load of trouble the last time, by ruining any chances of knowing the key to the universe and all of it's secrets, I'm going to behave and not tag anybody. However, feel free to tag yourself if the mood strikes you. (200)
1) Five Minutes to yourself. How would you spend them ideally?
- Going to the bathroom! Seriously, with a 3 year old around you don't even get to do this by yourself. - "Head On! Apply Directly to the Forehead!" - Smoke a Cigar. - Call Patrick and sing on his answering machine. - Simply sit back and just veg out to cloud nine someplace.
2) Five Dollars to spend right now. How or where would you spend it?
- Some Fingernail Polish. - Potholders. - Pack of 3 footie-socks with PomPom ball on back. - Hair Scrunchies. - A Cherry Limeade from Sonic.
3) Five Items in your house you could part with right now?
- Whatever it is that is stuck behind my bedroom wall that keeps gnawing during the night. - The entire VHS tape rack because they collect dust and I never watch them anymore. - My entire Philadelphia Phillies memorabilia and collection. - All those Playstation Games, we don't even own a Playstation anymore. - The Evil sofa that came with the house because it is too ginormous to ever pick up and haul out of here in one piece.
4) Five Items in your house you absolutely, positively could never part with?
- The Stereo. - My Venus Razor. - The Rabbit Figurine. (Sentimental) - The Portrait of Kramer. - The Coffee Pot.
5) Five Words (or phrases in my case) you love to hear?
- "I love you." (Yeah I know, not so original.) - "Let me do that for you." (A true rarity.) - "You test came out negative." - "11, 23, 32, 35, 42, 44." (On Lotto Night) - "Let's go out to eat tonight!"
I love to party, always had and always will. Themed parties have always been the most memorable and highlighted times of my past. From Pajama Parties, costume parties, Toga parties and heck I am even old enough to have dressed up in 1976 in colonial garb for America's 200th birthday party.
Packed away in my closet are a variety of costumes to fit almost every party genre'. A pink poodle skirt and saddle shoes are always a big hit when someone throws a 50's party. Recently, New Wave '80's Parties have been in big demand. Not a problem at all because a good half of my wardrobe is so outdated I am sure I have a pair of high waisted Jordache Jeans, leg warmers and a variety of Miami Vice garb hanging up on hangers. Big Hair? Not a problem either as all I would need is a bit of hair gel and a hair dryer. I may even still have my Madonna funnel brassiere in there someplace.
Recently a group of first-year law students at the University of Texas at Austin threw a "Ghetto Fabulous" themed costume party and some Peeps are all up in arms about it. Calling it racially insensitive because partygoers carried 40-ouncers, wore huge Afro wigs, necklaces with big fat medallions and their ballcaps on backwards.
Sounds like a hip and fun party to me and I don't find it racist or inappropriate. If the black law students threw a "Gated Community Themed Garden Club Party" ain't nobody gonna go. Just the sound of it screams boring and lame.
I can also guarantee that the local white folks won't piss a fit over it either. There would be no front page headlines that read, "They're picking on us in a negative way" or "They're raining down on our social climate."
In fact, I bet Miss Sophia Lecky and her Thurgood Marshall Legal Society are only pissing fits because either they weren't invited to the Ho-Down or the party conflicted with their long anticipated tickets to see Barry Manilow in concert.
"This stands for John's Comment points and the JCs will be given to anyone who leaves a comment on my blog. One point or more for every comment I will also have a featured link and if you leave a comment on that blog that includes the words "Dr. John" I will give you another five JC points. Now these points will be worth absolutely nothing. But just think of the fun of collecting them. "
"Jesus Christ!?" you may ask or even simply say. I'm here to tell you absolutely not, JC points stands for John's Comment Points and it IS as simple as that. No conspiracy, no pun intended and no plan. But since you've mentioned my Lord I feel obliged to follow up.
There is no such thing as JC Points, the mere thought of it means absolutely nothing! He either knows you or doesn't know you. Again, that simple. Sorta like a book, you can't comment on it if you have never read it. Sure - you may have "books you want to read" on your Amazon Marketplace Wishlist or may be awaiting notice on when a copy will be available to purchase.
Well JC had and has each and everyone of us on His Wishlist. Some of us are already adorning His bookshelf and others just aren't available yet for whatever reason. The Lord is here for eternity and I am certain that He will eventually get to read each and every one of us at some point.
He will read our comments and may even leave a comment. The big secret is that His Blogroll is reciprocal. You are guaranteed to be on His if He happens to be on yours. You would have to read Him to know Him as He would read you to know you.
It is really that simple! No Kool-aid required. Only the desire to seek and share what we Peeps Stumble! upon in our blogs and daily lives.
Dr. John is a mortal Blogger like the rest of us that merely mirrors what and who he reads. His individual reflection can be very interesting, insightful and may even border insane. Such as his sightings of an overly large white hare prancing around in women's clothing.
Just know, the blogosphere is our world where anything is possible.
My apologies to my Bloggy Buds for not posting anything new over the weekend. I have a bad case of writer's block which I suppose happens even to the best of us from time to time. Granted I have had many subject ideas but they all seemed to fizzle out in a dark gray raincloud of "blah".
Not so sure why that is. I suspect it could be the political mud slinging in the air or the dark news that has splattered our newspapers for the last two weeks. It seems that depression and mood setting can be quite contagious when it comes to the state of our union, world or even selves.
I asked my Great Grandfather once why he never read the paper or watched the 5 o'clock news. Granted this was way back in the '70's during the Vietnam era. He replied, "It is always bad news. One article, one story at a time darkens each and every bright moment of my day."
This morning these words ring true and I am going to embrace them as sound advice.
Although I still question myself, is it very sound? Many societies in the world today thrive over keeping the majority of their population ignorant. There are still places where women cannot go to school to learn how to read or write all in the attempt to keep the ruling parties in control.
Then there are societies like the Amish, who in my opinion are a wonderful community of people but they choose to isolate themselves from society in order to remain pure and seldom discontented. Maybe that is their secret for their hope and willingness to forgive and turn the other cheek. Why we as a nation felt so drawn into their lives this past week as we watched a community grieve and come together as one in their hardships.
As I do a quick mental review of my immediate neighborhood there are too many personal hardships for me to even count or describe here in this post this morning. Yet, here I was all week watching, reading and worrying over events half a world away. Such as will North Korea's little piss-ant go through with his nuke testing? Will the Taliban join in Afghanistan's government? Are gas prices falling just because it is nearing election time? I wanna see a photo of Paris Hilton's black eye!
While all the while I have a neighbor who could use a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Why won't I budge? It's not like they need help raising a barn or anything strenuous like that.
Perhaps, maybe yes... hope and bright moments can be found in the simple tasks and moments of our days.
Just one? I know so many. How about "Fifty Nifty United States" from the old Schoolhouse Rock collection. Thanks to this song I can name all fifty states in alphabetical order in 15 seconds or less.
Soup What will you absolutely not do in front of another person?
Scratch anything that may itch that is within the proximity of my underpants. Guys do it all of the time and it comes natural to them but girls seem to be able to stand the torture and avoid crotch scratching at all costs.
Salad How often do you use mouthwash and what kind do you like?
I used to be a Scope Cinnamon User twice a day, but I have been getting Citrus Listerine because Gon likes it and there is no sense having two bottles of mouthwash cluttering our bathroom counter.
Main Course Finish this sentence: I am embarrassed when...
This is a tough question. I used to get embarrassed all of the time, but now I don't seem to give a flying hoot about what anyone may think. How about....
"The last time I was embarrassed was when after I arrived at work I realized that my shirt was on inside out."
Dessert What was the last food you craved?
Thin crust pizza with everything on top. I ordered two last night.
Meet my good ole' buddy ole' pal Patrick from Grumpkins.com! It is that time of year again and he's off to carve pumpkins. Amazing Grumpkins might I add, who reveal themselves from the inside out via the Patrick Medium. Here are 13 of my favorite Grumpkins that Patrick has carved.
1. Wendell Tewilliger
2. Billy Curmudgeon 3. Chester the Squirrelly 4. Tippy Dinero 5. Valdemere Boris Potempkin 6. Felix Grackles 7. Cornelius Grundblat 8. The Baron Otto VonCawCaw 9. Spenden Bargeld 10. Wally Gelnore 11. Fredrick Oyama Growloon 12. Lester Lemonzest (The Lounge Lizard) 13. The Grinch Stop by to visit Patrick "The Carver" Moser and say hello! Tell him Marge sent 'ya to spread some jolly joy!
Mom's silly giggle fits. When she would laugh so hard she'd make herself cry. There were many incidents and such giggle fits. Too many to list them all here. Some were very funny and others perhaps just plain silly. I love and will love this memory the most because it corresponds with Katiebug's first real heartfelt laugh as a baby. We almost thought she was crying until we realized it was merely a hilarious attack of the giggles.
2. Favorite memory of your father?
The one and only time I saw him cry which so happened to be the only time he ever told me that he loved me face to face. I so wish to have another memory to replace this one. One where I can truly get to know who my Daddy really is vs. the big tough guy he tries so hard to portray.
3. What one skill would you like to wake up tomorrow and be able to do (though you'd never learned it)?
To be able to speak, read and write in a different language. Sahar offered to teach me Farsi and I have been fascinated with the idea ever since.
4. Which one of your dreams has come true?
Becoming a Mommy. I was told early in my 20's that it may not be possible. At age 28 I found out I was pregnant, was elated and overjoyed. However my first ultrasound revealed that my pregnancy was ectopic. I lost my left fallopian tube and cut what little chance I had in ever becoming successfully pregnant in half. I almost gave up but never stopped believing in miracles.
Looking back I now realize that my first dream of finding Prince Charming had to first come to be. Although I was married before, I won't lie - I fantasized and dreamed about Prince Charming whisking me away to married bliss. Today, this isn't even a thought. No another guy in the world is able to make me turn my head twice nor make me feel so good about myself.
(Sorta Tagged by our girl Mellie who in turn was Tagged by FlipFlopFloozie my fellow bloggin' Savannahian)
Yom Kippur was at sundown October 1st until Sundown this evening. This is the Jewish day of repentance, considered to be the holiest and most solemn day of the year. Its central theme is atonement and reconciliation.
"But Margaret", many of you may ask; "but you're not Jewish!"
Yeah I know, there are many things that I am not and many things that I am. Some things are good and some not so good. Worldly religions are the same way. Each desires to do good and good can be found in all. Some have bits of stuff that isn't good. I believe that "God is Good" and that good stuffs come from God. Because of this I have studied many religions and decided for myself to embrace the good in them.
Now Yom Kipper may seem a bit scary and not good. According to the Talmud, God opens three books on the first day of the year; one for the thoroughly wicked, another for the thoroughly pious, and the third for the large intermediate class. Yom Kippur is when God seals the fate of everyone for the upcoming year. Well, I can be found in the intermediate class for God knows I sure ain't a Saint but I'm not such an evil minion either.
So I must confess to the crimes that the Book of the Intermediates charge me of doing this past year. I have to say sorry where and to whom sorry is due and make an honest effort not to re-offend in the upcoming year. To me, that is a good thing to do no matter who 'ya be. So here goes - for the sake of my fate...
1. To my NJ Family: Sorry that I left in that way, even though I had to. I pray you someday understand. 2. To my Friends: I didn't make the time. I am sorry. Expect a phone call soon! 3. To my Customers. I'm sorry but this past year I've only done all that I had to do and nothing more. 4. To my Husband/Daughter: I'm sorry that I yell at either of you using words that I wouldn't even yell to a complete stranger. I promise to call you both something else less offensive from now on. 5. To those Complete Strangers: Sorry for flippin' the bird at those I did notice and not noticing the ones that only needed the smile of a stranger to cheer up their day.
...and finally to the Discordant Collywobblers: I'm sorry for the inharmonious bellyaches.
Sure, do 30 minutes a day Twisting along with Chubby Checker as exercise and you too can loose 2 1/2 pounds. However this evening as I do my weekly weight down report, I ain't puttin' out to Chubby Checker any longer. In fact, Swimming may be my next battle plan.
I'm not old. Don't feel old nor look old but I guess I am no longer 20 years old and that is a fact. What a cruel sick and twisted joke for fate to play upon me. Granted, I will admit I have been having pain in my lower right side for a few months now. When I first noticed I promptly saw the Doc to rule out the appendix on the brink of bursting. No such luck.
Doctors suck. You go there for one thing and they have to go testing everything but that one very thing you've went for. Of course they checked all around in there to make sure I wasn't pregnant or had an angry ovary or anything. The last time I visited Doc he stated, "I suspect it will eventually go away on its own."
Well Doc, I'll be seeing you next week and I've got news for you. It isn't going away but instead getting very angry and ugly. No yiping either if my BP is 160/110 but instead be sure if you hurt like the dickens you'd have elevated BP too! The real pain is that I know I need to see an orthopedic doctor but need a referral to do so.
Why is it that I seem to believe that I would receive better medical care in a third world country than here in the good ole' USA? Oh well, either way - pain or no pain there goes 2 1/2 lbs which makes me 2 1/2 lbs away from my 20lb weight loss goal. I'd jump for joy but... well... you know I gotta save the pain for as life goes on it keeps pushing me to do, do and do despite my need to rest in bed for an entire week.
I would like y'all to meet Senor Cheeseburger. Don't let his good looks fool you folks, although currently unemployed and living in trailer #1 - Senor Cheeseburger does have a graduate degree. In what field, I could not tell you but I highly suspect he is unemployed due to some problems he is having with his green card.
In the meantime he has been working on an old 356 he dug out of the dumpster, dialing up to AOL and blogging away sharing Super Sexy Pictures he has designed or has come across over the internets.
In fact, since he has become wired we here on Broken Branch Isle haven't seen too much of him lately. His curtains are always pulled and he hasn't mowed or raked his yard since last year. The last time we had talked to him was to help him haul our old shower stall that we had sitting out by the road over to his trailer. To this day we're not so sure what he wanted it for as it's been sitting outside in his front yard since. Remind me to ask him!
Currently he is blogging and is on a quest for 100 comments and is only on #78. It would be higher but I would rather mess with him and comment on his previous post instead of adding myself to his minions of pity. So stop on by, say hi but don't let on that you're from the INS or anything.
