I haven't blogged since forever and decided to at least start free-writing thoughts as they come to me. It's an an effort to regain a part of my mind that seems to have gotten itself lost over the past few years.  Maybe this will be my one and only post for another few years; maybe this is a new beginning.

Who the fuck knows?

So anyhow, there was a lunar eclipse last night; the type that make our pesky little orbiter turn red.  It's often referred to as a Blood Moon and supposedly has all sorts of tales, omens and mythical meanings to it.  I've been reading about this impending event on Facebook during this last week.  Some friends posting just the scientific facts, some posting doom and gloom and other's just bragging about their ability to stay awake or awaken at 3 in the morning in hopes to snap the perfect picture of the beastly thing.   Not me, I had a very difficult day and was so soundly asleep that I wasn't going to wake up for nothing, nobody and nohow.

I noticed a gorgeous full moon while driving home from my 13 hour workday from hell and was reminded that in a few hours the thing would turn red.  My mind was in a state of having no more fucks left to give, so I just glanced over the impeding omens, myths and bologna that are tagged to this sort of event.  Instead my heavily issued mind focused on the beauty of the whole event.  Just how incredible the physics of this world, our being, our intelligence and our moments.

I recall thinking that if all of this awesome wasn't by the hand of God, then we must be nothing more than a big, freaky mistake.  The thought of that seemed awful and it made me feel angry inside.  It's one thing to be an intelligent being, another to share our intelligence by filling everyone's traffic commute with data.  From speed limit signs, traffic lights, directional signs and passing zones.  Someone engineered, studied and devised a foul-proof directional plan so we can efficiently travel to and from work with the highest degree of safety.

Well, unless you live in Savannah, GA where there seems to be blind traffic engineers.

So like why would anyone bother to do that?  Is it because they care?  Is it because they love?  Is it because the lack of roadway insignia caused the death of a loved one and made them angry and determined?  What if nobody gave a fuck?

What if there wasn't a God?  That would seem so cruel for nature to give us all of these emotional feelings and intellect.  As much as the anarchist in me despises rules, regulations and authority - are they in place because someone cared?

So my focus returned to gorgeous moon and it's impending eclipse that will occur in just a few short hours. If I'm recalling correctly (considering my mind is shot the hell out) these blood moons are some sort of omen of impending apocalyptic times.  No surprise there as I believe we are living those times, and war is already in effect and seemingly escalating into other areas.

A notion that I'm not in fear of because it precedes the "Great and Awesome day of our Lord."  That despite our intelligence, brains, emotions and efforts to give a fuck; war, tragedy and hard times still befall us.  They say evil exists in the absence of God.  Makes some sense, almost like driving down an unmarked highway without any regulations or caution signs.

Then the thought returned, "What if there wasn't a God?"   You know, I'd be angry about that.  However, angry at who?  My shot out mind then thought I would be angry with God.  For what?  Mad at God for not creating a God?   That sounds absurd but a part of me immediately questions why our existence in all of it's beauty, our feelings, our smarts and our compassion would even be allowed in simple nature to occur if there wasn't a God and a life hereafter.

So yes, I would be mad at God if there wasn't a God.  I guess Descartes would say, "I think therefore there is an "I Am."