Thursday, August 10, 2006
Dropping Big Fat F-Bombs!
I can't remember the last time I've used so many F-bombs in a single day. Seriously, I don't even drop this many in a whole year but today takes the Mother of all F-Bombing blue ribbons and it is only 2pm.

I wake up and stumble barefooted in to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The dog decided overnight that plopping a big stinker on the rug in front of the kitchen counter was a grand idea. As my foot found itself getting printed in a pile of cold poo the first F-bomb was dropped.

After I cleaned my foot I came back in to continue my pursuit of my morning coffee. As I reached into the fridge for the milk the same foot stepped into an ice cold puddle. Wouldn't you know it, after I spent 2 hours cleaning my fridge yesterday it decides it doesn't want to work anymore. Global warming has attacked the freezer and the entire appliance is sweating as if it had just run a marathon in the Sahara. Just the thought of having to buy a new fridge squeezed out F-bomb number two.

So I sit down for a bit, sipping my coffee and allowing these morning catastrophes digest in my mind. While trying to wake up my mind my body followed and notified me very painfully may I add, that today it would like to pass a kidney stone. It's still in there as I write this and although the pain is sporadic it manages to squeeze out sporadic F-bombs as well.

Neither rain nor snow nor hell nor high water can stop a Mother from going about her day. A kidney stone although painful will just have to deal with me having to change the beds and do the laundry. In the washer went the sheets, the soap and the bleach and off I went to put new sheets on the beds. Still barefoot by the way and wouldn't you know fate would have this to be a super time to get a splinter! Not just your ordinary splinter but 3/4's of a toothpick that SOMEBODY didn't have enough sense to throw in the trash and happened to hide itself within the pile of my bedroom carpet. Trust me, the impaling of a toothpick between your fourth and pinkie toe is not a jolly nor joyful time. Thus requiring... yep, you guessed it yet another F-bomb.

Feeling sorry for me yet? Don't. I'm not asking for pity but I am pleading for a voo-doo curse removal at this moment. Enter Dog poop multiplied by two out on my front porch as I went outside to greet the UPS man bringing my package of fragrance oils. Yes, you guessed it.. I was still barefoot and dropped another F-bomb. There is only two reasons why either of our Basset Hounds would drop a load inside or on the porch. One, it was scared out of them or two, the grass in the backyard is too high and they can't stand their sphincter tickled while trying to release their bowels. One peek out the back door revealed the answer and yet another F-bomb. The grass is 2 foot high. Our dogs are only 14" high.

(Note to Husband Gon: "You try to take a shit in a jammed packed cornfield and come back and tell me how much you'd like to do that again.")

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes. Oh hell no! In the mail comes a spiffy certified letter from our Communistic Car Finance Company. This threat letter reads, "Thank you for your prompt payment. We regret to inform you that your account remains in arrears as of August 19, 2006 in the amount of $0.00. Please take care of this urgent matter immediately for your account is in Pre-Repo status." Now at this point comes multiple flying F-bombs jammed packed with "What the Hells". These guys are complete ... do I dare say it?

Nah, I'll hold my peace and calm down a bit. As much as I'd love to F-bomb the Commies over the phone I think it would be in my best "Pre-Repo" interest to go ahead and mail them out a check for $0.00 and waste a good stamp.

Oh, the laundry must be done by now! Thus I hobble over to the laundry room with my side stabbing kidney stone and sore splintered foot to actually try and get something done today. What's this? The washer is still full of water yet the cycle completed. My washing machine is DOA!

That's it, I'm now here blogging and after I'm F'ing done blogging, I am F'ing going back to F'ing bed and I ain't F'ing getting up until this F'ing day is F'ing over with. Because I F'ing had it up to F'ing here with this F'ing Shit today and I F'ing ain't going to F'ing take it no F'ing more.

Good night and Good Luck.
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 3:10 PM  
  • At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMG!! I've had a couple of those days!! Just remember, even a bad day has blessings! Thank goodness the dog didn't poop on your bed!!

  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Raspootin said…

    A Day like yours makes me feel very happy that I escape to my office each morning!

  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger Drama Mawmah said…

    I so relate! lol. WOW you have so many blogs I didn't know which one to reply on. Hope I choose the right one :) Hope you are having a better day now :)

  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    Woowwww..... you really had a f'ing bad day! I'm not going to sh*t you and tell you to look on the bright side of things. No. You had a BAD day! I hope tomorrow is better.

  • At 12:14 AM, Blogger LoryKC said…

    You win!
    I thought I was having a less-than-ideal week but you win!
    (I guess it doesn't help that I do not, at this moment, have a prize. I'll find something!)

    Hang in there!

  • At 4:48 AM, Blogger Deepak Gopi said…

    very funny....
    May I please create a link to your page

  • At 8:06 PM, Anonymous robin said…

    I feel for you, my love. I might be dropping some F-bombs tomorrow at my doctor's appointment. Remember back in Feb when I fell down that flight of stairs at work? Here it is six months later and I have to carry Jacob still because he gets tired...okay well, I can hardly walk now and I know my doc is going to want to do ROM tests..

    You had Dude rolling with laughter when I read this to him.

    xoxox btw - did i ever give you my new cell number??

  • At 1:58 AM, Blogger ela zawrat said…

    Hi Margaret,
    sorry to hear about the fridge - it reminds me that mine is getting old and warm.. :) :(

    thanks for visiting me and for putting my link on your blog. I feel HONORED!!!

    You've suggested a book "Yellow Wallpaper" - I've just looked up and it got me very interested. I'm going to look for it in the library. Keep going your bloglife (a new word, a new lifestyle)! I like your topic, pictures and all…. Manatees are cute!


  • At 4:23 PM, Blogger Rafael said…

    Sounds like a great morning. I say that, dripping with sarcasm ;-)

  • At 8:18 PM, Blogger doctor chip said…

    jam. packed. cornfield.



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