Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Redneck Beating of American Icon
Surprise, Az. (UPI) - Sesame Street mainstay "Elmo" has taken his own life, according to hospital officials in this small desert community just outside of Phoenix. Police have not ruled out foul play... (read more here.)

I confess. It was me. As Mother to a 3 year old with an Elmo who Hokey Pokeys - I just had to put a stop to this entire, "Stick it in, stick it out" trend and frenzy.

Damn it all, this is a Christian house and we will not tolerate such subliminal demoralization from Satan's little red pet Demon, Elmo!

This pedophile little NAMBLA spokesperson has been going on and on, sticking body parts in and out for three weeks straight. They don't even make batteries like they used to anymore. In my hopes he'd conk over and die from lack of power, the little demon kept going and going and going!

While my daughter was peacefully napping I broke the little bastards knees and dislocated both of his arms in an insane rage of rebuke! His evil little sound card began to skip as he sang, "Stick.... in.... whole.... do.... yourself.... all about."

Still enraged I kicked his furry red butt clear across the room only to hear him say, "Whoops, Can you help get Elmo up please?" Speaking in third person and showing absolutely no remorse whatsoever! He has got to be possessed!

I got him "up" alright, with a rope tied to my ceiling fan and around his neck. After grabbing a baseball bat and turning the fan on high - I proceeded to beat him like a Mexican Pinata on a T-Ball stick.

That's my confession and my plea is insanity. Arrest me now, for to be honest I am presently premeditating the demise of both Stoner Singing Scooby Doo and that Vibrating Harry Potter Broomstick.


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 5:23 PM  
14 Comments:
  • At 6:07 PM, Anonymous robin said…

    I am laughing so hard I am about to cry!! Did I tell you that B used to love "MoMo"? Wouldn't go anywhere without him..

     
  • At 10:03 PM, Blogger doctor chip said…

    got shtein?

    those Hokey-Pokey NAMBLA bastards
    would drive anyone to take a life...

    B-)

    -------

     
  • At 9:32 AM, Blogger LoryKC said…

    Years ago, my daughter would not go anywhere without "tickle me, Elmo!"
    We survived that but my sister thought it a good idea to buy the kids "rock-n-roll Elmo" who is now bound and gagged--I mean, stashed--at the back of a closet now!

     
  • At 10:35 AM, Blogger Chana said…

    oh my goodness you are hillarious...lol...thank you for the laughs..outloud..i need them...Dr. John send me..

     
  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger Cindy said…

    too funny! The other night we had a lightning storm which was striking pretty close. There was a stick horse laying on the floor in Libby's room (part of her clown character's get up) and everytime the lightning flashed, the horse neighed. All I could think of was Chucky! I was seriously tempted to toss him out the door but too freaked out to venture down the hall in the dark to get him! Good thing Libby wasn't home. Got here from Dr. John's marathon.

     
  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger Catch said…

    this is tooo funny!!!! poor elmo! from dr john

     
  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger Ian said…

    Hahaha. Kill all muppets! Um, except me ;)

     
  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger Doll House Stories said…

    Hi cool nice blog From Dr.johns Crazy Object b.

     
  • At 5:19 PM, Blogger QuillDancer said…

    Oh that was absolutely wonderful! The people that make those maniacial toys should be locked in a warehouse full of them -- along and with an overstimulated child per toy ....

    I'm blog hopping Dr. John style ....

     
  • At 8:03 PM, Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD said…

    Oh that is so sad. My 2 year old grandson is crazy over Elmo and would freak out to know about this.
    Hello! I'm here from Dr. John.

     
  • At 9:31 PM, Anonymous andrena said…

    Oh lord...poor elmo!! Dr. John sent me!

     
  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Minerva Jane said…

    oh how hilarious!

     
  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger Cindy said…

    Thank you for visiting my blog. I am going to check out that book you mentioned! I also took another readers advise and you can check out what I mean here.
    http://stuffofcindys.blogspot.com/2006/08/join-club.html

    With Love In Christ,
    Cindy

     
  • At 11:48 AM, Anonymous wrigley said…

    i also have issues wd that hokey pokey song! grrrr!

     
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