On the 21st Day 'til Christmas, Going Postal Means To Me...
With bills now electronically paid and correspondence primarily by phone, text or email; a trip to the Post Office has become quite a rarity. Except for this joyous time of year when I need to land a new book of stamps for sending out Christmas cards. The ones left over from last year are now a few cents short.
Today was that day, in addition I had to pick up a package sent by Mom loaded with our Christmas presents. Thanks Mom, if you're reading this - I needed a forklift operator to get the thing into my car. Then again, this is just another of many packages our Mail Lady refuses to deliver.
She seems to be a deep south Cajun, a refugee from Post Katrina New Orleans and her dialect is next to impossible to understand. Particularly when she is up in arms over something. In particular, something like delivering anything to house Number 5.
She appears to be having issues with our kitty cat. When I confronted her about my packages as soon as I mentioned my house number she backs.... no she jumps away and her eyes pop out like an Uncle Ben's box of wild rice just flew out of the cabinet at her.
"Nuh. Maam. Nut un my life 'taint be no messin' with tat demon on de perch. No lawd. No. Nuh uh. Sorry. Ya'awls be outcha yer minds!"
What? Demon? Perch? Is this crazy woman talking about our darling, sweet and allbeit very overweight kitty cat Sass?
"Yes'm Maam. You ouch ya'awls minds. Som'un shoul call de law on you awls. Ain't legal keepin' wile-life up on yer perch. Demon. Possessed. Satan eyed jaquar done et chickens alive un still yer soul. No lawdy. No."
Well heck, while at the PO I tried to complain to her supervisor and manager. They have already heard about this demon cat from hell and fully support the Mail Lady's choice not to deliver.
Despite my best efforts I couldn't convince them that our cat is a Christian.
See, he is so domesticated and civilized he won't even fight back when a kitten smacks him in the dome. In fact he turns the other cheek!! I guess we're going to have to start using Fed Ex or UPS from now on. At least their drivers know enough to offer Sass a dog biscuit.
A human askeered of cats? Say it ain't so. What happened to the mailman's credo? Sheesh!
I dread trips to the post office any more - any time of year. The lines at the two POs near our house are just too freakin' long - All the time!