Thursday, November 08, 2007
Five years sure does fly by fast!
Although we celebrated and had a birthday party last weekend, Squirt officially turned five yesterday. Maybe it's me being emotional but as I watched her play with her new dolly after dinner, she seemed to have changed dramatically overnight.

This may sound very odd, but every morning when I hear her awake, I feel like I'm still dreaming. See, Squirt is a miracle if there ever was one - for many doctors have stated that I could never conceive. Diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 20 took away much hope of motherhood. Eight years later an ectopic pregnancy ended up in the removal of one side of my reproductive organs. My slim chances were then cut in half.

It only got worse from there, for a pap smear during an earlier appointment with my OB came back positive for cervical cancer. Four surgeries and they still weren't able to get clear borders. The next word out of the doctor's mouth was hysterectomy.

I ran out of that office and never looked back.

To this day I can't explain the overwhelming feeling of "FLEE" that came over me that afternoon. It was more than a great sadness. Much more than a terrible fear. It was as if someone grabbed me by the arm and yanked me out of there.

The Doctors came to my house that evening. And they say Doctors don't make house calls anymore. They banged upon my screen door until I finally opened it and let them in. They insisted I was being unreasonable, suggested that I was suicidal and even threatened to get a court order to force me to submit to them ripping my insides out.

I got a second opinion.

When I divorced and moved to Savannah, GA, things started to look much brighter for me. Yet, back in my mind was this worry over these cervical cancer cells. I finally went to see a Doctor down here to have things checked out. To my surprise and big relief, everything came out normal! After requesting my former records from NJ my Doctor noticed that I had HPV at that time. Most likely given to me over and over and over by my Ex-husband. I didn't show any signs of that since I moved here, nor do I now.

(Speaking of now, this is a good time to plug my opinion on the controversial HPV vaccine. Get it for yourself, allow your daughter to have it. Getting it will not give your daughter a free pass to have sex - but it may save her life someday. She can save herself for marriage and not even know her husband has it. Please trust me on this.)

Gon and I were married on October 28, 2001 and we were both 35. Four months later on Valentines Day 2002 - I was pregnant. I know my quirky, out of whack body so well that I knew immediately. My first worry was of another ectopic pregnancy and I went to the emergency room right away. I lied, said I felt funny and had a weird pain just so I could have an immediate peace of mind that my baby implanted itself in the right place.

The "Little Peanut" did.

Some of my readers may already know, but in my 23rd week I was in a tragic accident. Rear ended by a speeding Greyhound Tour Bus then rushed to that very same emergency room. Despite my terrible pain I needed to know first, if my "Little Peanut" was alright.

She was.

I wasn't, and according to my Doctor I should have a late term abortion. Broken ribs and an ever expanding pregnant belly was going to make for a very complicated third trimester. I told him off and remained on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Which couldn't have went any slower. Squirt was due on November 2, 2002 and of course, she wanted to hang out in there for five more painful days.

Finally at 5:30 in the morning, her birthday was here. I was planning to shower before heading off to the hospital, planning a natural birth and watched hundreds of births on the TLC network. I thought I knew what I was getting into. The Doctor should have known, for my cervix was badly scarred from previous surgeries and refused to let poor Squirt out.

She was in distress and they rushed me in for an emergency C-section. As they gave me a spinal block something else went wrong. The discs in my spine were dislodged from the accident and when they injected the numbing agent, instead of going down to numb my lower half - it went up. I couldn't feel myself breath nor the head on my shoulders and I panicked. They had to knock me out and rush the surgery.

Two hours later I slowly woke up. Skinny and not in any pain. I was told I had a beautiful daughter but I didn't get to see her until eight hours later. Gon went down to the nursery and soon returned wheeling back this strange little one.

Someone that I didn't know. Someone whom I'm still getting to know. Who is this little one and why was she so determined to be born and make me her Mommy?

Today, I don't know that answer - but I love her to pieces. She is my pride, my joy, my hope - my little "Mini Me" and I can't imagine a day without her.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

Labels:

Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 7:03 PM  
10 Comments:
  • At 3:27 AM, Blogger Jayne d'Arcy said…

    Wow! That is one determined little girl! There's no question Squirt's a miracle. Happy birthday to her and blessings to her mom and dad.

     
  • At 9:40 AM, Blogger Jill said…

    If you believe in Destiny then your little Squirt is destined for something great. You are blessed. I agree with you about HPV and also the value of a second opinion which a lot of people dont think to get.

     
  • At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Lisa said…

    Oh Margie, that was soo lovely. What a great story. She was SO MEANT to be here! I know you and she will do great things together as mother and daughter!

    :) Lisa

     
  • At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi Margie

    I just read your article at DURBS magazine (durbs.kwazulunatal.com) and loved it and your special article on your little special Squirt - just too lovely!
    Michelle, Durban

     
  • At 5:22 PM, Blogger Louisiana said…

    i'm in tears. talk about a love letter. what a wonderful thing to write about.

    it is so nice of you to share this with all of us. you are and have been an inspiration to me for awhile now but i can honestly say you are even more so now.

    i think that you didn't have babies earlier for God wanted you to share such joy and love with your one true partner. i think that you were always meant to be a mommy for your heart and faith are boundless but God just wanted you to be in your right place first. and i think that all the suffering and ache you went through, physically and mentally and specially emotionally is what God knew all along about you. your courage, strength and love. He knew all that about you, maybe He just needed you to know that about yourself. He waited to give you your most precious gifts when it was the time.

    and here she is. making it all worthwhile and making you the mother that you are. she is so blessed to have you as you both are blessed to have her.

    your unity and your love for one another is the testament of truth.

    Happy Belated birthday to your beautiful little angel. Happy belated day to you who loves her before she was even conceived.

    It's all in God's time i guess and how grand the results are.

    my heart and love and respect to you. hugs to your little girl.

     
  • At 5:56 PM, Blogger Woozie said…

    Wow, great account.

     
  • At 7:08 PM, Blogger Dr.John said…

    If ever there was a child that was supposed to be Squirt is it.

     
  • At 9:58 PM, Anonymous Wolfie said…

    Happy Birthday to the little one..!! She's real sweet..

     
  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger doctor chip said…

    I wil call her...

    ... "Mini-Me"!

    heh!

    I guess you got her at that FLEE market.

    yup.

    all kidding aside, glad to see you're back to posting after you were burgled.

    B-)

    ----

     
  • At 7:39 PM, Blogger - PRACTiCAL CHiCK said…

    Gosh - I remember when you and I first "met". She was a wee squirt - about five months old!

     
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