Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Do You Have Issues?: "Poker Face"
I don't know where to turn! Heres my 'Issue!' ...My husband goes out with his friends and plays poker three or four times a week. I know he's losing the kids school money although he says he wins, I don't believe him. And, most nights, he's been drinking and he also comes home... often. Any advice? -Very worried!

Let's begin with some wishful thinking, shall we. For starters, friends don't let friends gamble away their children's education money or the mortgage. I can't say the same for casino gambling or strangers - but friends, buddies who get together in a smoked filled room, with beer, cards and poker chips are doing it for the sport - not for the money. They tend to begin their night on an even playing field and more often than not they each only put up about $20 for chips to play through the night. The worst he can ever loose is about $20.

Now, I'm going to spill a little secret about guys. If a buddy falls upon hard times such as a layoff or unemployment, his pride won't allow him to accept any financial help from his friends. So a bunch of his friends would get together have a poker night and put on their best poker faces. Loosing on purpose eventually so Buddy Bubba can go home with $100 to help pay his electric bill.

Bubba thinks he had a lucky night, is relieved and still has his pride but his friends know they were able to help him out. Plus a few hours of beer and venting times to help encourage Bubba and lift his spirits. Poker night can often be a huge therapy session for guys in their own tough, testosterone and manly kind of way.

With that being said, playing poker with his friends isn't a bad thing. Drinking isn't a terrible thing either but coming home drunk, puking all over your clean house and stumbling around knocking your sentimental knick-knacks off the shelf is. A few beers that render beer breath and a happy, jolly spirited husband is tolerable - any more than that and you may want to start wondering if your Husband is "Bubba" and down on his luck.

Three or four times a week is a bit excessive. I'm with you on this one. Perhaps you can meet him halfway or even open up your kitchen table for one poker night to hosted at your house. Tell your husband you'll take the children out to dinner, to a library or movie one night a week. When you come home promise to not disrupt the game and quietly get the children ready for bed. Bake brownies or make sandwiches and chips for your husband and his buddies. Listen to the game and conversation as you watch TV quietly in the other room. Hear what goes down at these games. Get to know your husband's friends and allow them to get to know you.

I would go as far as to make your husband and buddies so darn comfortable playing at your home that they may want to do it all of the time. Then... you're in control of the situation and at the very least get to put your foot down and say, "One poker night here per week and one more poker night allowed somewhere else during the week." Allowing your husband to continue in his sport but not so much so that he feels you're nagging on him.

Be gentle, guys and their pride are just as breakable as your sentimental knick-knacks. Make sure to let him know that you and the children miss spending time with him on other nights and that he is needed. Not merely wanted - but needed at home more often to play a husband and father roll - not play poker so often. Yet at the same time let him know you understand that he also needs and is wanted to play the role of "friend" to his buddies.

(Do you have issues? If so write in and vent here! All personal information is kept confidential and questions may be edited to exclude identifiable information. )


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 11:00 AM  
  • At 5:37 PM, Blogger Georgia Peach said…

    Miz Margie, you got a good idea there about playing poker at her house. It reminds me of a country song about the lady of the house was gonna turn their house into a bar where he would stay home. She would be the waitress and he could and his buddies could tip her, and he could flirt and pat her on the behind. It is about 20 years old.

    If she can get a babysister, let her go out with the girls a night or two, to the movies or attend a free seminar, etc. When he gets ready to leave the house, she can be ready to go out as well. She can come back home in a little while and watch TV, if she wants. She should be sure and tell him she wished he could go with her but she understands he needs his buddies, but she will miss him.

    Something doesn't sound right about this one. I hate to say it but I think this dude is with a dudette, not his dude buddies. Guys will lie for each other and cover up things. 4 nights a week playing poker and drinking sounds very fishy to me. I been there and had it done to me. He gave the excuse of being married so long and wanted to spice up our love life by flirting with and coming on to other women! It perked up his desires. He was stumbling out the door, and his bags were flying behind him. I did give him a quarter to call his Daddy to come get him, if he desired, he could call his young girls and perk up their love life.

    Our Lives are too short to live and share it with toady frogs and lounge lizards. I got me a real man now and the ex-hubby could not come close enough to even shine his boots. GA Peach

  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    Good advice, Margie. I think the husband sounds incredibly selfish. The wife needs to let him know that he can go out with his buddies, just not so often. I like Georgia Peach's advice too. And I agree that something just doesn't seem right here with this relationship. Good luck to "Very Worried."

  • At 8:18 PM, Blogger Dr.John said…

    Ah! Tell the bum to shape up or find some other house to come home and break knick knacks in.

  • At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    She's prolly a big Porker and he ain't interested in poking her, ergo the poker.

  • At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The wife has been unable to keep the man home, my guess is she has let herself go and has an ass big as a Montana mule. The man obviously has issues with being in the environment being provided. I doubt that his buddies would be comfortable in the nag house.

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