Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Bottoms Up
"From the depths of the crypt of St Giles
Came a scream that echoed for miles.
Said the Vicar, "Good Gracious,
Has father Ignacius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

This figures. Just as I thought I'm down to the bottom of my health problems and being sick over the past two weeks - this terrifying nightmare comes out of nowhere.

Well okay, not necessarily of of nowhere but from down there - where things are not supposed to come out of nor see the light of day. Things such as Hemorrhoids, which everyone has and most everyone will have a problem with during sometime in their lives. All due to gravity and the price we pay for sitting and standing upright, along with having opposable thumbs I suppose.

So why am I telling my blog readers a little more than y'all care to know? Believe me I thought of not saying anything, but my obvious absence may need a bit of explanation. Sure, I can lie and tell y'all I'm on vacation or just toss a carefree; "I've been too busy" post. But instead I sided with honesty, not to mention having this affliction creates issues in of itself, and what a better place to post just that.

This terrible, obtrusive and downright obscene affliction can surely muff up your day. Or week in my case. Many times I've prayed on why couldn't I have a boil? A volcano sized Vesuvius Zit on the end of my nose? Even a short term stint of Bell's Palsy would had been better. But noooooo, this week's aliment got me smack dab on the starfish of my ass. I can barely sit, barely stand and walk like an old lady who has rickets.

At least that is how I hobbled into our local CVS Saturday to splurge $50 on every OTC hemorrhoid medication there was. All to no avail, these buddies weren't going to go away so quickly. So according to package directions I contacted my Doctor after seven days with no improvement. That was yesterday and quite frankly one of the worse days of my life.

You know it's bad when your doctor lets out a huge gasp upon examination. Granted, I did warn her but she didn't seem to believe me. She was only concerned about my elevated Blood Pressure but after seeing my rear end, she justified my high blood pressure from how painful it looked. I guess she thought I was joking when I said I felt like there was a tennis ball shoved up my backside.

She sent me home with a referral and a prescription for steroids and back to the CVS I roamed to spend another $50. It's been a day and there isn't any real improvement except I am able to sit for the few minutes it takes to write a blog post. Allbeit, not so comfortably.

But life must go on around me and I must also. Hoping to goodness that nobody I run into will recognize my tell tale hobble, scoot technique and grimace.


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 9:20 AM  
  • At 2:32 PM, Blogger Jayne d'Arcy said…

    Can I just say in sympathy, AUGH!!!! I hope that severe annoyance is taken care of soon.

  • At 10:34 AM, Blogger LoryKC said…

    I hope you can rest easier soon!
    The photo was certainly good for a giggle! ;)

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