Saturday, February 17, 2007
Keyword Kaos: "Huffing"
We interrupt the usual Keyword Kaos to report on the astounding number of "Get Myself Dead Issues" that poured through my Statcounter this past week.

18 - How to get High off of Lysol
3 - How to get high off of Axe Deodorant Spray

For those of you just stopping by or for those of you who do not know about stat reporting, these are the search words or terms that others had typed into Google, Yahoo or MSN search engines that had directed them to your site or weblog. I'm loosing sleep because it's painfully obvious that peeps be out there wanting to Huff shit!

To these people, KNOW this ain't your typical "Mommy" speaking. I know the deal, you're sitting with friends or alone and desiring to get a buzz on. You'll get busted if you hit up Dad's Liquor cabinet anymore for he's been drawing the levels on the bottles with a Sharpie Pen. Then some fool friend asks you what sort of cleaning supplies does your Momma have in the cabinet under the sink. Talking some shit about how aerosol products and others can offer up a sweet buzz.

Well, I'm here to tell you that your fool friend is one stupid cheap bastard! What's he gonna suggest next? That he rolls up a Food Stamp and sniffs up lines of Comet Cleanser? Well if you want to eventually be shot up and mainlined with some embalming fluid this is the way to go about it.

I ain't shitting you either. Many Mommy's and Housekeepers have been found cold and stiff after using various cleaning products in unventilated places. Quickly, and there was NO BUZZ for if there was, they would have known something was wrong by first feeling dizzy and would have escaped for some fresh air. Instead they felt overwhelmingly dizzy, nauseated and dropped dead on the spot.

Think for a second, cleaning products are designed to kill germs, odor causing bacteria, bugs, mildew and mold. Your body is nothing but a sack of living cells and biological goo. Each living cell working, splitting, multiplying and doing it's intended job. When you huff, the chemicals get into your blood stream and start killing off cells. The high or buzz that you feel is not because there is an added chemical in your system like Alcohol or Marijuana - it is because your body is freaking out. Your organs are banging on the pipes saying, "Send us the oxygen carrying red blood cells!! We're Dying here!"

Trust me, this ain't the way you wanna go. Do you want to be remembered as the cheap, stupid kid who killed himself with a can of Scrubbing Bubbles? Yes, I'm a Mom and you know what - I would rather have a kid who angers and embarrasses the shit out me by getting expelled from school or busted and in jail for underage drinking. I'd rather have you handcuffed and in Juvenile Detention for a bag of weed. I'd rather these far more than having to plan your funeral and bury your cold stiff stupid ass six foot under.

Well, I'm done my rant. Kids, just stay out of all cabinets will you? Unless you like them so much you want to spend forever in a nice pine, wooden coffin of a cabinet. If you want a cheap buzz then just sit down that XBox paddle and run your asses around the block as long and as fast as you can. You'll experience the best euphoria in a healthy natural adrenaline buzz that will last longer than huffing without the puking and pounding headaches.

Keyword Kaos will return in it's usual format next Saturday as I'll leave you with two more disturbing search terms of the week:

- I caught my daughters boyfriend sniffing my panties
- Hawaiian punch has pig sperm

(Click to enlarge)


Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 10:57 AM  
  • At 8:06 PM, Blogger Dr.John said…

    Now I have to go look at my stats again. I promise to stay out of the cleaning stuff.

  • At 10:33 PM, Blogger - PRACTiCAL CHiCK said…

    And here I thought I was one classy blogger... Looks like you got me beat!! BTW - I am going to feature you for Rednek Kwiz-ine for your pot pie recipe tomorrow!!

  • At 7:40 AM, Blogger Twisted Cinderella said…

    At one point, I lived somewhere where kids actually did this. It is truly scary and dangerous.

  • At 2:25 PM, Blogger Karlos said…

    Wow....You really do get some weird ones! I'll never drink Hawaiian Punch again. :-)

  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger tkkerouac said…

    eww, was the bf really sniffing panties?

  • At 2:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hmm...I accidentally sniffed Scrubbing Bubbles, but that's because I was cleaning my bathroom. I just wanted to see how much damage I did to myself by being exposed to this crazy stuff. Wow...I swear, I couldn't function properly all day.

    I'm going to use a mask next time!

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