SHREVEPORT, La. - In a mysterious bit of monkey business, a female at a chimpanzee sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male chimp population has had vasectomies.
Now managers at Chimp Haven are planning a paternity test for the seven males who lived in a group with Teresa, a wild-born chimpanzee in her late 40s who had the baby girl last week.
Chimp Haven is not a zoo but a retirement community for chimpanzees who are no longer needed for laboratory research. Located on 200 forested acres they provide a lush resort for these active seniors to romp, play, golf, swing from trees and socialize with one another.
Like most senior communities there was rumors of a little Hanky Panky happening time and time again without anyone giving it a thought. Especially with all of the males altered to only shoot blanks. Immaculate Conception was ruled out due to Teresa's shady past and now all the males must subject themselves to DNA testing.
The entire haven of about 18 chimpanzees are scheduled to report to the Jerry Springer Show in an unprecedented study to see if the chimps have adopted the behaviors of the Trailer Park residents that are nestled next door to the Haven.
Once they identify the father, it's back to the operating room for him and back to work at the Laboratory so he can start making child support payments.
Mmmmm...beastiality...