Well I'll be...... shocked and utterly horrified! Girlfriend, where on your body are these protruding offenses located? I've tried to make sense out of this picture, turned it upside-down, sideways - all kinds of ways and something isn't adding up quite right. Are you trying to pull some sort of Photoshop trick on me or something? You best not be - I'll report you to those Snopes people.

First off, what is that Captain Hook thing happening above the left nipple? Is that another mutant part of your anatomy? Then over to the right nipple there is some sort of white tissue paper clinging to it. Don't even tell me... I don't think I would want to know how this photo relates to your backside.

All joking aside, if this is you - then you do have serious issues. My only advice would be to search for a new boyfriend and before you marry him, make him aware that you have your "freak" on. Get him all riled up and anxious. My Grandmama used to say, "If you've got it. Flaunt it." Make those extra buttons work for you not against you. In the end, you'll be fine. -Mix

(UPDATE, 11:28pm EST...)

I've just been informed this photo came from "here" it is a Guinea Pig.

Anonymous: You are evil! Dreadfully evil!