Wednesday, July 05, 2006
13 Bides for 13 Bothers
I did ask for it, by requesting readers with personal issues to submit a form and email me for some wild, nonsensical advice.

Over the past few months I have had some great questions asked along with some short quips that left me shaking my head in despair. Now that I've saved up an 13 of these actual "short quip" issues - I'll take this wonderful opportunity to answer them in the best way that I know how:

1) Dear Mix, I lost my birth certificate, any ideas? -Mary in NJ

Apply for a green-card, you may now be considered an illegal alien.

2) Miss Mix, My new husband left me after our honeymoon when he found out I had absorbed twin nipples. -Anonymous

Get out!! Really? Send us a picture please so we can determine how terrible they really are.

3) Dear Margiemix: My wife ain't putting out. - Todd in AZ

Putting out what? Forrest fires? Maybe she loves you for your mind, be pleased with that concept, I would be.

4) Mix, Do corns grow any place other than your feet? - Anonymous

Corns are a form of callouses. Where or what are you rubbing against so frequently?

5) Dear Margie; Why does red mean stop and green means go? -Twitchy, North Dakota

The arbitrary color code is counter-intuitive and contrary to the physics of color temperatures increasing with increasing frequency (and photons quantum energy) and decreasing wavelengths making red hotter than green.

What are you shaking your head for? This is exactly what my Magic-8-Ball just told me.

6) Dear Mix, Define anal fissure. -Rex in Mex

NO!!

7) Dear Mix; It is hot here today. -Nancy

Sit naked in front of a fan on top of a block of ice. Write back and let us know if you get that tongue-stuck on frozen-metal effect going on. We'll send the paramedics.

8) Dear Margiemix, My balls itch. -Marc in MN

Try some jock-itch spray and a delousing comb for starters.

9) Hey Margiemix; What do you do with toenail clippings? -Sven

I save them in a pickle jar beside my bed. Gosh, I don't know, throw them away maybe?

10) Dear Margiemix, Is a cherry considered a fruit or a berry? -Anton the Anteater

A berry is a fruit, a small fruit. Jeez, you just had to make me second guess myself and Google "fruit pathology" to be certain. Some more useless information for my memory bank to digest.

11) Margiemix, I can't seem to maintain that summers breeze fresh feeling. -Rusty Rhonda

Try a sitz bath will 100% pure Minty Listerine Mouthwash while eating a peppermint patty.

12) Dear Mix; what kind of car do you drive? -Sandi Somerset

An SUV and before you accuse me of being some soccer-mom-gas-gulper, it is a hybrid.

13) (submitted today) My toast is stuck in my toaster slot! -Randall in Hawaii

Unplug it. Jiggle the handle. Turn it upside down and shake it. Or simply do what I do by taking a fork or butter knife to wedge it out, while you are standing in a puddle of water.

Live dangerously, that's my motto.

That's it for this Thursday and remember, if you have issues - dare to tell me about them!
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 8:30 PM  
31 Comments:
  • At 10:35 PM, Blogger Lisa said…

    HA! I love #3! That made me laugh out loud!

    Very interesting 13, Margie girl! I love it.

    You keep planting them trees, girlfriend!

    Happy Thursday!

     
  • At 11:05 PM, Blogger EmilyRoseJewel said…

    You should do some commedy work, that was funny! Way to go on this TT! My list is up!

     
  • At 12:07 AM, Blogger Lyn said…

    lol...Thought it was 9 Brides for 7 Brothers...My T13 is up - Super Hero Edition.

     
  • At 12:15 AM, Blogger Mama Duck said…

    ROTFL, I have to try that sometime, just to see what mail I'll get..... nah, nevermind, just already today I've gotten enough odd mail, heh.

     
  • At 12:22 AM, Anonymous Bex said…

    OMG! I SO freakin' DO THAT when my toast gets stuck! I have electrocuted myself WAY too many times.

    Wait...did I just admit that out loud.

    Nevermind...

    Carry on...

     
  • At 12:44 AM, Blogger The Shrone said…

    Very funny! I greatly appreciate the laughs! My TT is up.

     
  • At 12:46 AM, Blogger Tess said…

    I wonder if Toenail Clippings Sven is hinting for a donation for his collection?

     
  • At 1:11 AM, Anonymous Denise said…

    You're a nut! LOL

     
  • At 1:33 AM, Blogger YellowRose said…

    Very funny! Happy Thursday, my TT is up!

     
  • At 4:02 AM, Anonymous wrigley said…

    margie, i might not be able to resist your offer. i'll ask you with a wild question real soon. :)

    your list is hilarious! you must be a really funny lady.:)

    my 13's up!

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Anonymous robin said…

    You could come to answers.yahoo.com and have fun with me over there. LOL And my TT is up and incredibly boring!

     
  • At 9:14 AM, Blogger Carmen said…

    you're better than hints from heloise. :)

     
  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger Chris said…

    Hah awesome list. I love visiting your TT. Its always great. I was laughing at each one. I cant believe people send you stuff like that,lol My TT is up.

     
  • At 10:38 AM, Blogger Reverberate58 said…

    Such questions people will ask! I like your answers and yes more people need to live on the edge. Great list, thanks for the share!!
    My T13 is up. Hope you are having a terrific Thursday!

     
  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Darla said…

    These are great! You should make this a regular feature. I was LOL.

     
  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger Karen said…

    I think some of those people need serious help. HA! Yeah, you should try your act at the comedy places. Hilarious!
    My TT is up!

     
  • At 11:15 AM, Blogger Karen said…

    I think some of those people need serious help. HA! Yeah, you should try your act at the comedy places. Hilarious!
    My TT is up!

     
  • At 1:30 PM, Blogger Great Day said…

    too funny - I'm using the balls itching answer on my husband next time he feels that I should know this!

     
  • At 1:59 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Hilarious! I love it!

    My T13 is up :-)

     
  • At 4:04 PM, Blogger Peaches said…

    Thank YOU for the laughs!! My coworkers are looking at me like I'm crazy - I just know it. =P

     
  • At 5:16 PM, Anonymous PatentPrincess said…

    Great advice! Number three is the best :)

    My list is up.

     
  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger Goofy Girl said…

    Hahahah these are great! Very funny!

     
  • At 7:28 PM, Anonymous Maryanne said…

    My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. That nipple thing is a bit interesting. I'm with you, I twirled that photo in all directions and can't make any sense of it. I was wondering if this person was from "Twin Peaks?"

    It almost looks like the belly of a hairless cat.

    Toodles,
    Maryanne

     
  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger Margaret said…

    I'm doubting it is human at all. Yet I looked at our female Basset Hound's underside, she has 13 odd ones. (Hey, now there's a T13) But they all have fur around them. I don't know, someone is messing with me, but if it's all in fun - okay, why not. -Margie

     
  • At 9:04 PM, Blogger Lynn said…

    Too funny, and great answers! Thanks for stopping by. No, we didn't drive through Amish country, but there are many who live in our area and we are not far from Holmes County where there are many.

     
  • At 9:05 PM, Blogger Lady Jane said…

    #1 is my favorite. Hilarious!!!

    Thanks for visiting my list.

     
  • At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Susan said…

    This has to be the most unusual TT I've run across so far. Stupid questions, great responses!

     
  • At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Messy Sue said…

    Very creative way to make a list! I love it. P.S. That nipple thing is WEIRD.

    Thanks for visiting me!

     
  • At 2:19 AM, Anonymous kristarella said…

    Very funny. The nipple thing is weird, wouldn't you just get that sucker removed?

    Thankd for visiting mine.

     
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  • At 9:15 AM, Blogger Margaret said…

    Hey Online Casino biatch - take your spam and pork it. If you wish to be a paid affliate of my site, get in line and do it the right way by emailing me to request available ad space. My readers are too wise not to see through your desparate, low and feeble attempts to use a comment section to plug your stinkin' casino venture. -Margie Mix

     
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