Monday, December 18, 2006
Young geek seeks Delicious Sandwich Maiden
I found this personal ad listed on our local Savannah Craigslist this evening while looking for a Scottish Terrier Puppy. Think he'll find a Maiden?


Do you pine for a life of adventure?

Do you wish your life was a sensual romantic novella where barrel-chested swashbucklers battle each other for the ultimate prize, and that prize was you? Your sumptuous body, covered in a glistening sheen of sweat, tied and bound and helpless before the violating fingers of horny pirates everywhere? Your loins, quivering with anticipation at the slightest touch, embarrassingly spread for their greedy hungry eyes? You, but an innocent tender morsel to be defiled by these sick, twisted brutes?

Well, too fucking bad.

OH SNAP, that's right, I said it. Your life's no erotic fairy tale; both you and I know it, lady.

That's why I've come to offer you the most exciting proposal you've gotten since anonymous sex behind a dumpster at the nearest 7/11:

Making me a sandwich.

That's right.

No, you can't just zip by Arby's and pick up one of their mouth-watering Market Fresh Sandwiches, although god knows its hard NOT to eat them. I mean, CHRIST, pepperjack bacon, its like the hypnotic call of a siren, but that's besides the point, stay with me darling.

I'm looking for a short/long term relationship in which a comely young woman (clothed or otherwise) makes me a delicious sandwich. If you can convince me to have dirty (sex/cuddling/dish-washing) afterwards, good on you; whatever, I just want the sandwich, so good luck with anything beyond that.

Preferably, you should be making me something with turkey or ham, definitely bacon, I'm not too keen on that abomination they call a BLT, a sandwich without meat is *sacrilegious*.

The more exotic the sammich, the better. If it's good enough, I dunno, I'll give you a lollipop or something.

What do YOU get out of this incredibly exciting and dynamic relationship with me?

You get the comfort knowing that you have quelled my insatiable (and completely nonsexual appetite) for at least 30 minutes to an hour. At last, your life has purpose: you are the bringer of sandwiches, glory be unto you!

What's more romantic and loving than that?

If you've got some deviant kink involving sandwiches or subservience, then I guess that's a major bonus for you, right?


Who am I to offer you such a dangerous yet exciting proposition?

Well, let me introduce myself.

I'm a scrawny, underweight geek in his mid twenties who may or may not have a delicious creamy center that is not unlike the bubbling hot bowels of a frothy mocha latte. Sure, my untouched virgin body may, in ways inexplicable, drive you into an uncontrollable lust; a carnal urge to feast upon my tender bronzed flesh as if your moist lips could suckle the cure for cancer from by body if you tried hard enough, but GODDAMN IT LADY, get a grip, we're not talking about any of that, FOCUS, FOCUS.

Interested persons should send me a picture of their most incredible, mouth-watering sandwiches. I guess you can be in there too, but don't forget out the sandwich.

You must be: hot, and good at making sandwiches, this is paramount, as well as have everything required to assemble these incredible modern miracles of bread and meat.

You must not be: The Burger Queen. Frankly, The Burger King scares the bejesus out of me; he's not the sort of fellow I would appreciate staring at us through the window as you make my sandwich.

- Young Geek in Hinesville
Stumble It! .......posted by Margaret @ 11:07 PM  
  • At 1:35 AM, Blogger Butchieboy said…

    Hey! That's me!

  • At 2:14 AM, Blogger Deepak Gopi said…

    If I had known the making of sandwitches I would have defenitely sent you.

  • At 5:41 AM, Blogger Karlos said…

    A delicious sandwich maiden indeed! I can hear a butler announcing "The Maiden of Sandwich."

  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger Judy said…

    According to my DH, I make the best sandwiches in the world... guess it's too bad for him that I'm taken, huh?

    The kids went to Savannah Christmas shopping yesterday...down on RiverWalk. I think they had fun. They got back way too late for me to talk to them... and, of course, they won't be up for hours!!

  • At 12:14 PM, Blogger R2K said…

    MMM spam.

  • At 4:08 PM, Anonymous happy and blue 2 said…

    I imagine that guy will spend his entire Christmas answering letters, ha,ha..

  • At 7:19 PM, Blogger Lavender Dawn said…

    ha, I am multi tasking and I posted a comment for your post at granny's! oh god, I deleted it, but I bet it turns up in her email!

    I said this: I should ask C if sandwiches turn him on!

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